Much Ado About Antiques

I was positively suckered in to reading an article in the New York Times H&G section last week, merely because the accompanying photographed included Joan Rivers and folk art. Not that I have a particular interest in Joan Rivers and folk art, mind you, I just enjoyed the juxtaposition.

(Here is the article, in case you didn't see)

Well, not only was there scant information about Ms. Rivers and her folk art, the article turned out to be a very serious investigation on what well-heeled people worry most about: What their designers think of their family hand-me-downs and antique purchases.

To wit, "You know these pieces: The baroque, over-size bedroom set, fit for the home of a mountain king; the circular mahogany table that seats 14. Angèle Parlange, who grew up in an 18th-century Louisiana plantation house and is the author of “Creole Thrift,” just published by ReganBooks, calls it “big brown furniture.” And unlike the mistakes you make at a flea market and can unload on eBay, when you take this stuff home, you’re stuck for life."

What a limited and dreary world view to have. I was highly appalled by the glaring lack of imagination that I felt a need to give some soothing tips on what to do with your antiques:

-Paint it gold. Unless Aunt Mimi wrote a brilliant manifesto on her writing desk, feel free to paint it gold, replace the hardware and use it as a mini-bar. Aunt Mimi probably used it in that respect, albeit informally. If you're short on space, take the doors off a closet and place in there. You can always stuff your ill-fitting sweaters and stretched-out bathing suits somewhere else.

-Make a dining room. Even if you have the most microscopic apartment, it will behoove you to make your own dining room. If given the choice between some clunky entertainment center and uncomfortable futons, and a circular mahogany table for 14...you are better off with the table, a deck of cards, and the phone number of the nearest hotel for your dear friends. Throw caution to the wind, when it comes to scale.

-Burn bridges. Some people WILL be cross with you if you start painting "antiques." The resulting grudge will only be short-term, and really, you probably needed a break from their presence/phone conversations anyway.

In The Papers

Here is what's going on all over the country in Thursday Home newspaper sections...

One man's foot is another's many-thousand-dollar chair. [New York Times]

The latest trend in entertaining: making your friends do tough, manual labor. [New York Times]

Why not have the architect behind some of today's most recognizable buildings update the staid Philadelphia Museum of Art with an...underground art gallery? Wouldn't want to challenge people's perspectives while they are doing their Rocky Balboa run up the stairs, now would we?[Philadelphia Inquirer]

When lady guests show up to your Halloween party dressed like hookers, you can count on gourds to class the place up. [Washington Post]

A few weeks ago, I was looking at properties and found a home that had 5 half bathrooms, 2 full bathrooms and only 2 bedrooms. Not related to this article on bathroom design, but I just needed to share. [San Francisco Examiner]

Miscellaneous

In the world of home decorating coverage, there is no such thing as having "brass balls." Merely felt ones. (USA Today)

Really? People get cold in the winter and should put more blankets in their home? I guess I should cancel the New Year's Speedo party. (Philadelphia Inquirer)

Attention Power Couples: You too can have a $15,000 pillowcase to cry in to when your significant other leaves you for the ayurvedic massage therapist. (Hartford Courant)

The government can "protect" us from online gambling addictions, but who will save us from Kathy Ireland's home collection for Hallmark? I'm upset even typing that. (Las Vegas Review-Journal)

The real problem in the wrestling world is not steroids, but shutters. (Orlando Sentinel)

There goes Ikea, always instigating. (LA Times)

In The Papers

Career Trajectory of a New York Times Reporter: Go to Prestigious College, Suffer Through Journalism School, Work Your Way Through the Metro Section, Then Write About Air Fresheners. At least we know their homes are stinky, just like us common folk.

I knew it would happen eventually...we're gentrifying ourselves to the point where bathing in a steel tub will be the next big thing. Even Chloe Sevigny did it.

Hey, the LA Times thinks your family is ugly. (Under "Photos") [link repaired]

When the media finally shows up to photograph your newly renovated Munsters-style home, could you at least change out of your overalls? Or draw on a new pair of eyebrows?

Next time you're feeling lonely, just know that somebody, somewhere is making scented pinecones. Maybe you should call your Mother more often.

Miscellaneous

After yesterday's New York Times article about people who live in oil tanks but are neither homeless nor oil spill victims, I have decided to make a house out of empty coffee canisters.

The Philadelphia Inquirer leads its Home and Design coverage with a photo essay/meditation on the beauty of fall plants and seed pods. Do you think there was a special meeting called to weed out (no pun intended) the more suggestive compositions? The ghost of Georgia O'Keefe silently weeps.

Affordable art? In a town with a ton of art schools and arts non profits? Who would've thought?!!

But after all, it is not art that makes a house a home, it is the cherubs holding up carved archways. I genuinely love auction listings.

People in Connecticut like to make their beds. But the rest of us will politely ignore their advice on using two dust ruffles at once. Perverts.

Before you hire someone to renovate your row home, check their qualifications.

In the Papers

Stories to read from select Home & Design/Lifestyle coverage...

The New York Times tells us how to clean antique mirrors, live in an oil tank, and make secret compartments in our homes. (Registration required)

The Philadelphia Daily News is obsessed with dogs and wants us to dine at a place that charges $1/small chocolate candy.

The Associated Press is doing its best to stop the public from being interested in Rachel Ray (and why are they?). After seeing Nigella Lawson's new show, you will not feel appropriate watching a loud lady with awful mannerisms who refers to Extra Virgin Olive Oil as E.V.O.O.

Renters, consider yourself warned. And why pillow-shop when you can pay for the experience of making one? What is happening to our area? (Philadelphia Inquirer)

The Washington-Post teaches us how to keep your bedroom from becoming your personal decorating hell. Meanwhile, I quietly celebrate the return of pseudo-Victorian style decor.

I wish we could get a Marimekko store. (Boston Globe) (Registration Required)

The Times (London) has great ideas regarding screens and lighting.

Introducing...

So I'm expanding the features of Domestically Inclined, because...well, why not?

Starting this week, you'll find the following features frequently interspersed with the regular coverage of local goods:

Pantry Limbo: Ever wonder how cheap you can get while shopping for food/menu items or potent potables? Well, I frequently do. And here is where you'll find some answers.

The Library: I read about 2-4 books per week, leaving my head full of useless knowledge. But you'd be surprised at how handy this knowledge is when we're talking about home decor. You can't begin to comprehend the power of a first impression, for instance, without reading Auntie Mame. Well, maybe you can. But that book is very wonderful.

Sources from Allover: Occasionally I will come across a source that is worth sharing, but just happens to not be local to the area (but they do deliver).

Tips: Pretty self-explanatory, but what makes these special is that I usually have created them with renters/temporary residents/first-time-on-their-own-types in mind.

In the Papers: When you're too busy to even worry your pretty little heads with the news, you probably don't know what is going on in the home decor special sections. So I'll summarize.

-Brieanne